Today, we had our Ward conference, both Bishop Johnson and Stake President Markham said something that trigger a desire to start writing my personal history.  I think I will try to identify spiritual experiences, recalling what I can and then maybe find among previous writings specific incidences that I have forgotten.

Folklore says a child born with a veil has a special destiny, psychic abilities, sees the future. It is considered good luck.  The household in which the child is born is considered fortunate.  This belief is common all over the world. 

 I was born "with a veil".  Mom said that I had a layer of something waxy all over me.   I was born at home and my Aunt Elia assisted the doctor.  She described to Mom how she had to wipe the sticky wax off of me.  I was completely covered.  It was like I was within two bags, not just the normal one womb.

I was in my 60s when Mom mentioned this aspect of  my birth.  She must have known something about being born "with a veil" because she added, and we never went hungry since the day you were born.  

She also said that when I was little, I seemed to be detached from the pain of my body.  I would fall, but not cry right away.  It was as if I had to think about whether I should cry or not.  I have three small pox scars on my left shoulder.  Twice I was inoculated and it did not take.  Mom insisted that the doctor do it a third time.  He said it wasn't necessary, but she insisted and so he made three scratches and all took.   

I don't know if this is spiritual, or not:  Mom said that a couple of times, I attempted to run away.  She said I didn't seem upset, but rather resolute, more like I had a job to do.   I was  not speaking yet and was wearing diapers, so I must have been a toddler. I took a football under my arm and left the yard.  She followed me and I just kept walking and walking. I am sure it could not have been far because Mom would have caught up to me before I crossed any streets.  On the other hand, she mention that another time, someone brought me back, which meant I had "broken out". . 

I don't know if this spiritual, or not:  It is the earliest indication of an awareness of  others and service.  I was about four years old.  I had not started school yet, but I wrote a simple little song, which I still remember, both the words and the melody.  "I am the angel of tweetly- tell, hearts that are broken and hearts that won't tell, as I ride across the sky, making sure that all the children have hearts tonight."  

Spanish was my first language.  I don't remember the transference and assimilation of English as being too traumatic, I spoke very early, and loved to converse. I enjoyed making up words, and could not understand why that was a problem.   Mom said that she always admired how I could start a conversation with anyone.  We would wait at a bus stop and no matter the age or gender, she said I could always get a conversation going.  I remember being fascinated by people.  I wondered about who they were, where they were going, if they had children, what they did,  their names, all of it.  I seemed to just love everyone  . . . they were a wonder.  

Mom and Dad never took us to church.  When we were living on Evergreen street, a store at the end of the street closed when the Pasadena freeway was under construction.  A store front church opened to the neighborhood.  It was just a block away and Tania and I went to the meetings a few time, just the two of us.  We learned songs, like Jesus Loves me This I know, Count Your Blessings, I Come to the Garden Alone.  I think I was about 9 or 10.  I am sure that we were taught the stories of Jesus, but there was nothing spiritual about our daily lives, no prayers, no thanksgiving for our meals, no blessings, no songs.  We were like little healthy animals, playing and eating.  

My Dad contacted the Catholic Church and they sent two nuns to talk to Mom.  She finally agreed that we could attend an afternoon class to be confirmed into the Catholic Church.  The nuns said that they would come and get us.  However, the day and time they were suppose to get us, they did not.  My sister and I decided to walk to the church ourselves.  We took a short cut across the newly opened Pasadena freeway.  When we returned home and explained that we had walked over ourselves, Mom was furious.  When the nuns came to the house, after we missed the next class, Mom started yelling at them.  They argued a little bit with Mom. but she was adamant and told them to leave and not come back.

My maternal grandparents lived across the street on Evergreen St. but although they were Mexicans, they did not practice the Catholic faith. Grandfather was an educated man and thought the Catholic faith and all other religions were foolishness, like folktales. Grandmother Petrita did not go to church and did not have rosary, although she certainly was the epitome of the refined, polite Spanish woman.  After both grandma and grandpa had died, a note inside of what turned out to be Grandma's Bible stated that the Bible was a wondrous treasure and she was so glad that she had found it.   

My cousins, Alba and Yolanda Valdez had their paternal grandmother living with them, Colie (spl?) went to Catholic mass regularly.  My cousins also attended.  I remember going with them a few times, kneeling on the wooden bench, listening to the strange Latin chants,  watching the swinging of the incense containers.  Tables of burning candles, women on their knees, some with rosary in hand, some in front of statues or paintings of saints, pleading.  It was all very somber, mysterious, and serious. The floor cold, the walls high, and the art sad. But the stain glass windows were heavenly, almost magical.  Stepping through the doors of a Catholic church was like walking into another world.  My world was the sky, the grass, the trees, the sun, the stars.  That was my reality. 

Evergreen Grammar School was about 98% Jewish, children of mostly Russian Jewish immigrants.  Being of Mexican heritage, we appeared to be the families that were transforming the neighborhood. On the whole stretch of Evergreen street from the Pasadena freeway to Wabash Avenue, there were only 5 Mexican families : us, Grandma and Grandpa, my Aunt Deya and Uncle Rudy Amparan, another family named Amparan with one girl, Olga, my age and friend, plus another family with two young boys.  In addition there was another set of sisters of Mexican heritage also attending Evergreen Grammar school.  As far as I can remember that was all.  In my classroom, it was just Olga and me of Mexican heritage.  All of the Mexican heritage students, except my sister and me, were Catholics.  I considered Olga my best friend, in the classroom we did everything together.  

Among other elementary friends were the Myers sisters.  The two sisters were actually of Jewish lineage.  Their mother, brother, and both girls converted to Christianity.  This was quite a mark against them.   To leave their Jewish faith and accept Christianity put them on the social fringe. On top of that, they were a family of body-builders and most of the Jewish girls were very un-athletic.  My sister and I spent most of our free time at the Wabash Playground, so we became friends with the Myers sisters and were invited to attend their church services.  I must have been about 11 years old.  

The church was a very small congregation.  They made use of a church facility, a house, that did not belong to the small congregation, but was right next door to the church building.  It was there that I went down on my knees and accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.  We kneeled in front of a sofa and repeated what we were directed to say.  I remember being amused with the ritual of kneeling and repeating the words, but praise the goodness of the Lord,  he accepted me, even though I didn't fully understand what I was saying or the commitment of the act.  I believe an angel was assigned to watch over me.

I don't remember how often we attended their church.  When I started attending Hollenbeck Junior High, which was considered one of the most culturally diverse middle school in Los Angeles, I widened my circle of awareness of different groups. There were Japanese, some of whom had been in internment camps, Negroes (appropriate term at that time), Russians who were not Jewish, Polish and other Baltic groups, Oakies (escaping the middle west drought), Gypsies, Chinese, and more, besides the Spanish speaking which were divided into gangs. 

My best friend Olga Amparan had joined a gang from day one.  As freshman, we gathered in the gymnasium for directions.  She stood across from me, standing with a group of girls.  They all appeared to be of Mexican heritage and were dressed in the style of pachucas, high pompadours and really short skirts.  She looked at me, but did not smile or invite me over to her.  I was confused and hurt. She never spoke to me after that.  

Soon, those of us from Evergreen Grammar School and other grammar schools divided into groups/clubs.  We formed a group called Versiteens.  Our motto was, "You may be right, you may be wrong, compromise."  I found social interaction very confusing, especially during the lunch break.  I was invited to join two other groups.  I decided to get out of the  confusion of who sits with who and who was mad at who that day and who was not to be spoken to that day.  Instead, I volunteered to work in the office during the lunch period, which was fun handling the switchboard.  However, it took me out of social lessons being learned of  leadership and small group dynamics.

Getting to and from Hollenbeck Junior High could be accomplished by several routes.  One route was to take a long walk over to Soto Street and take a bus all the way to Hollenbeck.  The other required taking a bus from Wabash, to Brooklyn (now Cesar Chavez Blvd.) transferring to a train, and the trasferring once again to the bus off of Soto Street.  We would alter our routes depending on the weather, and how early we were ready to leave.   

Taking the Soto direct route, put us in touch with more of the Spanish speaking kids and more exposure to the Mexican gangs.  My sister and I started coming home via the Soto route and stopping off a Dad's Sunshine Dry cleaning shop. Mom didn't like it.  We were making friends with some of the youth that apparently belonged to gangs.  I got a reputation for being very good with a knife.  We were practicing flipping a knife in the grass.  Suddenly, I threw the knife between the legs of a boy standing in front of me. It landed perfectly between his feet.  It was only his look of fear, which made me aware of what could have been the consequences, if I had missed. I don't remember spending any time at the shop after that. Mom told us NOT to go to the shop.

We never had any problem with being forced into a joining a gang.  I was in college prep classes and there was only one other Mexican heritage student in those classes, a boy. Also, it turned out that the girl that sat next to me in Home Room was a powerful pachuca.  She and I got along just fine.  I have an idea that she protected me from possible pressure to join.  Also, we didn't live in a Mexican barrio, we lived in a Jewish barrio.

Although there were undoubtedly many times that My Angel interceded, one near miss took place right on the street by Roosevelt High School.  I only attended Roosevelt for 10 weeks before Mom and Dad divorced.  It was unusual, I was walking home by myself.  Just as I was about to step down and cross the street, a Mexican gang came running toward my side of the street, while the group behind me started running away.  I was not aware that I was standing between two gangs.  Suddenly I sensed something go by my head and heard a thud in the wooden lamp post that I was standing by.  I turned and saw right at eye-level, the back of a shiny dark copper-colored piece of metal imbedded in the wood, a few inches from my head.  I could have been a statistic, an innocent by-stander shot to death, or brain damaged.

Mom had left Dad many times, but during WWII, Dad took a job away from us, and came home on the weekend.  Mom used this opportunity to work at a drive-in restaurant with her sister, Alba.  She saved the money with the idea that when Tania and I were older, she would leave him. His drinking had gotten worse.  I remember the most confused emotion of compassion, pity, and anger at the same time.  I was about 13.  It was Sunday.  Mom had taken us to a Sunday matinee, when we got home Dad was sprawled on the steps, passed-out drunk.  He had not been able to make it in the door.  I felt so bad, I wanted to do something, to help him up, cover him, something; but Mom just leave, leave him and  pulled us in the house.  I was angry that he was so drunk that he could not make it into the house.  I was angry that  he was a drunkard.  I was angry that he wasn't the father that he could be, and all the time feeling sorry for him.  I was very confusing for a 13 year old to deal with such contradictory emotions.

When WWII was over, Aunt Deya and Uncle Rudy and Grandma Petrita and Grandpa Alberto sold their houses. Two of my aunts, Estella and Elia had already moved to Stockton.  My two uncles Oscar who had been in the Army, and Albert who had been in the Marines moved to Stockton.  

We left Dad with the help of friends and neighbors and the father of one of our playground friend. 
We hid some items in the closets of neighbors, and took what we could in a little red borrowed wagon.  
Bebe's  father drove us to Sierra Madre, our first step in our journey north. Grandma Petrita was living in Sierra Madre.  We stayed with her through Thanksgiving and then were driven north by Aunt Estella to Manteca.   Mom made use of the money she has saved as as a car-hop, and with Aunt Estella's help bought a little house, basically a long 3-room shed, front room, bedroom, and kitchen.  

As I look back, I can see that we must have been protected by angels, because our circumstance certainly invited trouble.  Everyone knew we were two high school girls living alone. We were one block in from the main highway. Behind the length of the little house was an alley. The structure that backed up to it was a motel. In front of us was a 4-plex.   We were the only house on that side of the street. The property was actually three lots.  We only maintained the lot on which the house sat. Behind us was the back yard and field of a Holy-roller church.  The house was very isolated, we had no next-door neighbors, and were alone. The circumstances were very dangerous. I believe that we were being protected by Heavenly Father.  We lived there for two and a half years and never had even one incident.

We did go to church, but it was mostly a social thing.  We went to the Methodist Church which was the most popular Christian Church for Non-Catholics. We became Rainbow girls, meetings were filled with lots of rituals and traditions. I did go to the Catholic Church a few times with Catholic boyfriend, primarily it was the high holidays with special masses.  Midnight mass for Christian Eve was really beautiful.  High school was not a time of deep subjective thinking.  Holding two jobs, keeping my grades up, school activities, and taking care of our daily maintenance kept me busy.  One job was working as a soda jerk, another one as usher at the local movie house.  Frequently Ray Dellavecchia (my boyfriend) would walk me home.  It never occurred to me to be scared.  I never sensed anyone following me, but it was really a very dangerous situation. 

Two incidences which could have been tragic come to mind.  A Botany class assignment to prepare a wildflower notebook was a great excuse for a trip to the mountains. Ray made arrangements to go with two other couples.  We went high into the mountains, traveling on winding roads, enjoying the day.  At one point, another car with a group of teenagers started challenging our driver to a race.  I begged him not to.  "Just slow down and let them go," I said.  Fortunately he listened to me, however, sadly as we continued on the road, we saw the car again.  We slowed down as we saw some cars stopped on side of the road and people were looking over the ledge.  A car, the car that had wanted to race, was down on the bottom.  The car apparently had not made the curve, it had broken through the rail and careened over.  I don't remember stopping.  It was an incident that I have never forgotten.

Another car incident and teenagers.  We were going to a ball game, out of town.  It must have been close, because two of the boys were riding in the trunk, their legs hanging over the bumper.  As we came a stop light in the middle of town, I suddenly thought we might get in trouble for them riding that way, and started yelling, get off of the car, get off the car.  Fortunately they responded quickly and got off immediately.  A second later, the big logging truck traveling behind us, hit the bumper with great force, throwing us forward.  No one was hurt.  If the boys had still been riding in the trunk of the car, they surely would have lost their legs.  It would have been a tragedy.

Sometimes, you just don't have the experience to recognize danger.  Mind altering substances, such as LSD, marijuana, and peyote beans were frequent areas of discussion.  Progressive jazz and drugs seemed to go together.  In my freshman year at UCLA, I sang a few times with a college band.  They were all boys and it was fun.  It was a surprise when the police stopped us the car.  The instruments in the car were a indication that we were a band, and maybe we were smoking marijuana.

There were probably other near misses, which I did not even notice, but I know that Heavenly Father had assigned the right angel to take care of me, and he had his hands full. During the summer, between my freshman and sophomore year, I worked part of the summer in Stockton for the Recreation and Parks Department. I was living with my grandparents and taking a couple of classes at the University of Pacific.  A high school friend, that I had dated once, called me and asked me to attend a progressive jazz session at UOP with him.  The jazz session of recorded music was not in a hall, but rather a large room.  The room was filled with just men, maybe 20 or more.  It didn't bother me.  Another couple came, but the girl looking in the doorway, decided not to come in the room.  We listened to music, with the lights off.  I wasn't afraid.  It was a bad situation and some thing bad could have happened.  Fortunately nothing happened, but I should have been afraid.  I wasn't listening.

One of my scariest experiences was on my way home from the movies.  My cousin Val and I made arrangements to get downtown town on the city bus.  She bordered first from her house and then I joined her on the same bus from Grandma's house.  Coming back, we reversed the order. I got off first.  I did not notice that a young man got off at the same time.  I had seen his face in the driver's mirror, but did not think much about it, except his eyes looked really strange.  As I started walking the three blocks, I realized he was following me.  Just as suddenly, I remembered a caution that my Aunt Alba had very recently given me, almost as if she had a premonition.  Aunt Alba said, if ever you feel that someone is following you, and you are endanger, go to the nearest house with a light on and start banging on the door, yelling that you forgot to take the key.  That is exactly what I did.  Soon, a  dog started barking and I kept saying what is wrong with you. It is just me.  Mom, open the door. I don't have my key.   The young man had walked around and was standing between two houses, on the other . I could see his shadow without fully turning around. When I did not see his shadow, but the dog was still barking, I took off running in the middle of the street, figuring if a car came, and he caught up to me, the car might scare him away.  I made it home.  It was the last time Val and I made a movie date.  I also found out that Stockton which has a very large Psy Hospital allows their patients to go home on the weekend.  Remembering the expression of his eyes, I wonder if he was a psy patient.

The first years at UCLA were also not filled with any spiritual curiosity. I don't remember attending any church, at any time, while at UCLA.  I did join the Masonic club for the social activities.  I remember one day, a very excited student said that the newly built Mormon Los Angeles Temple could be visited before it was dedicated.  I had no idea what Mormons were all about and wondered why I would want to visit it.

I think it was not until graduate school that I got interested in things of the spirit.  It seemed to stem from my research into the development of creativity.  Trying to understand the fountains or source of creativity directed me to much new mind research, mostly at that time, in magazine articles, not books.  The field of investigation was quite new.

It was difficult to separate the mystical from the springs of creativeness. The more I read, the more fascinated I was with the existence of a spiritual plane.  "Thirty Years Among the Dead" and "Cosmic Consciousness" were two books that stand out. But I read into all area of non-rational thinking.  I kept asking what does it mean? studies of reincarnation, spirit possession, visits by demons and angels, it all opened my awareness that in fact there is some kind of spirit power.  The most amazing studies were the ability of some to think a picture onto a photo, move items with your mind, telekinetic, teleportation. know the substance of who a person is just by touching the person, or an object that belonged to them.  The list of unusual abilities goes on and on, kirilian photography, holograms. 

Win and I met during the summer of 1955 and were married in December.  Very soon after finishing up our graduate classes, before finishing our thesis projects, we moved to Weaverville, California, an isolated mountain town. however, they had a town library that had access to every book in the state library. What a treasure. At no cost, I could order any book that I wanted to read. I also became friends with the wife of the Congregational minister. She introduced me to Edgar Cayce, a very well known psychic.   She had many of his books.  Between the library and her collection of Cayce books, I had a wonderful year of reading and broadening my vision of reality, plus finishing up my thesis.  I was very disappointed to hear that a few year later, the minister and his wife, with four boys, had divorced.

 Two books that stand out . . "In tune with all life" and "Einstein's theory of relativity."  In tune with all life emphasized that all life is connected and we have the capacity to be in tune with all life, from a fly to a  .  Einstein's theory dealt with time and space and most interestingly how atom/molecules have been observed reacting in a way before the action to produce the response was initiated.  All of it fascinated me. Most importantly, how do things go from being light to solid, observable, touchable items.  I met psychics, such as Jeanie Dickson and Fred Kimball.  It was clear that they had access to some knowledge that was not gathered with the senses that I understood.  What were they taping into?

From Weaverville, we returned to UCLA, for both of us to finish our thesis, and for Win to start as a Physics major.  We were able to get a unit in the Veterans Housing. I presented my thesis in a smock.  You had to have children. Aury was born there.  Many of wives and their husbands were interested in psychic phenomena.  We gathered as a group and did psychic games.  One evening, we as a group were trying to telepathically tell the person who was the subject, what the card was that we as a group were viewing. The math major were working the odds.  When I was in the set, attempting to get their message, I had done about 15 cards.  Suddenly the room got really quiet, someone whisper, "she did it again" and was shushed down.   It turned out that I had been predicting the card coming up, not the one that they were all concentrating on.

What were we capable of doing with our minds, and how. I got pregnant with Tawn, right on schedule for delivery at the UCLA, and within the time that Win was scheduled to complete his Physic's degree. One of the doctors' at UCLA was conducting a study of hypnosis and child birth.  With my interest in these matters, I volunteered.  Involvement consisted of one interview and then once a week going to the hospital and tip-toeing in lying down and listening to a tape.  I think I did it about 4 times.  The audio tape message was actually more written as a self-hypnosis with a post-hypnosis message. That when the time came, all would be well, etc. etc.  For me, it was exactly that.  The only problem was that it was so easy, none of the nurses seemed to realize how far along I was. The doctor on duty did not believe in hypnosis and outside my door told the nurse,  when ever it starts really hurting, give her what ever she wants.  I was propped up reading a magazine, until I felt Tawn was going to pop out and be on the floor.  I started yelling and they came running. I had no medication.  The doctor said, "well this one was certainly natural."  The hypnosis doctor did not get there in time, but he was smiling when he heard how well everything had gone.  Tawn was beautiful, graceful hands, and long eye lashes that touched her cheeks.  

Tawn was a month old when we moved to Kenniwick, Washington.  Win was hired in by General Electric at their Atomic site in the area of Health Physics.  Most of the people in our neighborhood were with GE and rented homes from GE. The house had a basement where most people slept during summer.  The day we arrived, with month old Tawn in arms, the newspaper headlines read, Kenniwick, Hottest spot in the nation.  Taking care of an infant and toddler in a community where we knew no one was a bit of a challenge, but at the time I did not think too much about it.  In fact, I did not think too much about anything, just getting through each day in an enjoyable way.  At one point, I did feel a bit over-whelmed and wanted to fly home for Christmas and visit Mom.  Tawn was 6 months old and Aury had just turned two.  Instead, Mom paid for Dena and Laura to fly up and stay with me for their vacation.  A fun activity was getting involved with the Kenniwick Light Opera Company.  I played the lead dancer in Carousel, the little girl, and was in the dance chorus in South Pacific. It was a challenge participating in the rehearsals.  Since Win didn't help with the kids or house in anyway, Aury and Tawn both had to be asleep before I left.  I can't even figure out how I got that done.  We only stayed in Washington a year.  

Win got a job in the new hot area for engineers, the aerospace industry.  We moved into a rented house in Inglewood.  The house was a guest house behind a larger house owned by an older couple, taking care of their grandchildren.  It was somewhat uncomfortable with having two babies to care for.  The area between the two homes had a lawn, but the owner's elementary age grandchildren were a little dangerous because of their ages.  Behind was an alley and frequent construction going on in homes around us.  I had no car.  I started looking for a house to buy.  I would go out during the day with a realtor. After much looking, I found a nice house in Manhattan Beach.  A house with a sunny, enclosed backyard, on a quiet street with an elementary school a block away, ideal three-bedroom.  Eventually we put in a sliding door leading to the backyard from the larger bedroom, and doubled the size of another bedroom, added a bathroom and another bedroom by using the space over the garage.  It was very comfortable house, and we lived there while the kids went through grammar and middle school.  The aerospace industry was very turbulent, with companies vying for government grants.  Win changed jobs many times, but we were able to stay in our home.   

Although I continue some dancing involvements in the community, danced the part of Uncle Thomas in The King and I with El Camino College, my questioning search continued.  Mom got interested in psychic phenomena too. My cousin Lonnie introduced Mom to Edgar Cayce.  One lady, Eloise Shields was a school psychologist who tested Aury and also introduced me to a national organization that explores psychic phenomena.  I reached out to books and people, exploring different churches and philosophies, attending meetings. Many times I set up meetings in my home and other places, several stand out.

In spite of the fact that with Tawn I had been through natural childbirth with post-hypnotic suggestions, Win still did not acknowledge the existence of another dimension of our being.  A Hollywood hypnotist, whose name was very popular would conduct a session for free if sufficient numbers participated.  I think it was 30.  I figured if Win knew the people in the group, he would not think it was all a set-up and people were faking it.  I got a group together which included just friends and family. 

 I, of course, offered to be a subject.  What was interesting to me was that although I was hypnotized, I refused to respond to the hypnotist commands.  I overcame his directive, but with great difficulty.  Especially, when the hypnotist said I would forget my name. A voice inside said, "no, no, no, I will not forget, you don't know how long I have worked to get to Mimi." I did say my name.  Mom said, it looked like I was going to pass out when I was trying so hard to say my name.   Mom said he put my head on his chest and said, he had never had that happen to him before.  The many others that he hypnotized did not seem to have any trouble with following his commands, but I surely did.  

It made me realize that I would never again submit to being hypnotized by someone, nor give authority to anyone over my subconscious.  My subconscious and conscious were clearly a team.  We were unified, connected.  I needed to learn to listen to the divine spirit within me.  

One evening we had a social session in our house.  I don't remember it had anything to do with a psychic topic.  As one of the couples was leaving, I was saying good bye at the door.  Someone was standing next to me and made the comment about what a nice couple they are.  I said, "Yes, it is too bad that he has such a bad drinking problem."  I startled myself and looked at the person with surprise.  Sorry, I don't know where that came from. I don't know anything about them.   However, a week or so later, the wife called and said her husband had gone into one of his drinking weekend.  She explained that every so often, he would lock himself into a motel and drink himself into a stupor.  The experience made me aware of the fact that somehow or other, we are capable of tuning in to other people's lives and person. . . .  If we choose to open ourselves to that kind of spirit discernment.

Knowing beyond our physical limits is not just about people. I received a packet of photos from the National Psychic organization.  Each photo was inside of dark brown envelope. The subject (me) was to write down what each photo contained, the impressions, without of course opening the envelope and looking.  It was fascinating.   I had successful hits for each photo, the colors in each case, and the shapes. Two of test photos were particularly interesting because my description was more symbolic.  One was a sailing ship, both the water and sky, blue, and the sails full of the wind. I said, it was a lady in blue, dancing  with a billowing, flowing dress.   The other one was a piece of highly shellacked wood with many distinct grain-lines going diagonally, they were very bright orange, brown, and beige colors. In the middle was a deep, vibrant red rose, lots of petals.   I said it was a street with lots of activity and life, with reds, and I drew the same diagonal direction that the photo wood was in.  I was suppose to mail it back, which I don't think I ever did.  Knowing beyond our reasoned assessment and logic is possible.  But it all comes back to listening and opening yourself up to understand, sometimes the unfathomable. 

Another one of our Hollywood adventures, opened up more understanding.  Basic encounters, or sensitivity training was a term being used by both businesses and schools.  The purpose was to make you more sensitive to your co-workers, family, etc.  I set up a meeting with a small group of family and friends.  It was a series of sessions, maybe four.  The last session was to stimulate hearing, sight, and taste, all at the same time with the goal of a heightened awareness experience.   Each one of us was to bring our favorite in each category. I brought Debussy, lemon morange (spl?) pie, and a calla lily.  As I listened to the music, and slowly ate the pie, I focused on the calla lily. Slowly, I felt myself enter the flower and travel down the inside the calla lily, all the way down to its pistil, and suddenly I became part of its life force, turned and burst back up, as if I was being born anew.  It was the most amazing experience, I've ever had.  I was a part of the LIFE force itself.   It was JOY . . pure joy.  I was ONE with God Almighty, not separate.  Although with separate awareness, I was still one with HIM.  Little by little, my spiritual vision was expanding, not understanding, but expanding.  After the kids went to school I would write some of my thoughts down, and ask for clarification on mystical topics.  

Heavenly Father heard my unspoken-questions to understand His world.  He answered my questions with many experiences.  My exploring affected the house hold, particularly Aury who seemed to be extremely sensitive to the spirit world.  Strange things started happening, a glass of milk would spill and then right itself.  One day I passed Aury's bedroom.  He was about 6 or 7.  The blankets were moving on their own and Aury was hitting the bed and saying, stop it, stop it.  Apparently that was not the first time.  

I woke up one evening because my hand which was hanging over the edge of the bed had been touched.  I got a glimpse of a little short man with curly white hair, leaving my bedroom. Aury described seeing a little man with white curly hair. A few year later, I saw a picture, identifying an elemental being.  He looked exactly like what Aury and I both saw. 

One night, I think it was about 1964, I was awakened by what sounded like a hurricane.  It was coming in from the ocean side of the house, and I thought the wall had been blown . It was an incredible power.  It did not hurt me in anyway, but I could not move.  I tried to get out of bed to go to the kids, but I was pinned down by the force of the power.  The power seemed to be made up of electricity, flecks of light were racing through the room, and there was a crackling sound.  Win was lying next to me. The force did not appear to be touching Win, and the sound did not wake him.   I tried to slide my hand over to Win, but could not do it.   Suddenly the force lifted off of me and withdrew. 

The following night, the same thing happened, but I was calm and just thought, there it is again. I could not figure out what the force was. It was an external force that overpowered me, and touched me physically and spiritually.  I did not know that I had been touched spiritually, but I surely was touched.  I began to experience a change, a big one.  I didn't understand that the Holy Spirit had visited me in his great power, twice.  It was a couple of years before the miracle of what I had experienced was brought to my understand. I knew the visit by this great power had touched me on a very deep level.  Instead of reading metaphysical type books, I suddenly felt the desire to read the Bible.  Knowing nothing about the Bible, I started right at the beginning.  Many mornings, I would get up at 5 and read in the bathroom. 

Many years later, I heard a historian of the evangelical movement.  He said that in 1964 and 1965 the power of the Holy Spirit had swept across the nation, touching many individuals.  It was a resurgence, a revival, individual by individual the Holy Spirit was gathering an army. 

I continued writing in a journal, attempting to understand life's mysteries. After the visit by the Holy Spirit I had another experience, I frequently would read a scripture, if I did not understand it, I would ask my inner person, for an interpretation.  I would write down the explanations and was frequently amazed with the simple, but profound explanations.  Once, I asked, "Who are you? to the voice within, and the answer clearly, unhesitantly was . . . .  I AM THE AM.  I was awed, goose-pimples throughout my body.  It took almost 50 years before I understood fully what had happened.  I had been in conversation with the Lord, the Great I AM, Christ within me, the Great I AM . . .  through out my walk of discovery, I was being tutored by the Lord.   That is amazing.  When HE says that he stands at the door and knocks. . .  it is true.

Among the churches that I was investigating in 1962 were Religious Science, Unitarian, Science of Mind, Christian Science, Unity, and others, all new age, power of the mind philosophies. I settled on Unity which seemed to have the biggest focus on Jesus Christ. After reading and attending for about half a year, I decided to become a minister.  I felt called of the Lord.  Mom was willing to help with Aury and Tawn for a semester, while I attended Unity School of Christianity in Lee's Summit, Missouri.    I really enjoyed the classes, but decided that the responsibilities of a minister would best be handled by a man.  I also was a little disillusioned with Unity.  The people seemed to be very sensual and earthly in their interests.  The power of the mind in treasure mapping and other accomplishments seemed wrong, too materially focused.  The last time I attended Unity was for their outdoor fair.  Among the booths was an astrologer.  She did my horoscope.  She seemed somewhat upset, and was shaking her head . . .  "I don't know if this is bad or good.  You have a VERY, VERY strong will." 

On another occasion, a psychic said that he saw me in the future, writing little jewels, little something.  He did not know if it would be short stories, or essays, or what  . .  but I would be expressing myself in writing.  During my studies at Lee's Summit, I found myself summarizing a lesson, or concept with a poem.  There were a few spiritual experiences, but one stands out:

The area around Lee's Summit has many, many large wild turtles.  You can see them off the side of the road.  I was in the back seat of the car, doing a little touristy drive with some students that were year around full-time students.  There were turtles on both sides of the road.  The driver said "this time of the year, you see them squashed all over the roads." Just at that point, I could see a turtle ahead crossing the road from the left to right. I calculated it would be under our car, when we got there. When we reached it, the turtle was out of my range of view, being under the car.  I expected to feel a bump, or something, from the front wheel, or the back wheel. . . but nothing.  I whirled around to look out of the back window . . .  thinking lucky turtle. But there was no turtle, not squashed, not on the road, not on the side of the road.  I was really puzzled.  What happened?  A voice within said . .

"You have passed a divide and cannot turn aside, or you will cease to be."  
In many Asian countries, the turtle is the symbol of faith.

During the flight home, a term kept going around in my mind, over and over, spiritual dance. Instead of being a minister, I decided 
I would start a dance group devoted to sharing Christian principles.  That would be a fun way to share Christianity.  I already had dancer friends.  I had kept by dancing up, performed in The King and I at El Camino College, plus some community shows.  I quickly enrolled at UCLA as a dance major to prepare for the responsibility. I enrolled about two weeks late, but I had no problem.  In fact, it was the opposite. It was almost as if I had an angel standing next to me.  Everyone was so polite, all the clerks, at every step of the enrollment, seemed to treat me differently. They would be rude to the person in front and the person behind me, but with me, they would be sweet.  At every window, I was received the same way.

I had several exceptional and unusual experiences. Driving from Manhattan Beach to Westwood was not too difficult a drive.  Sometimes it took longer to find a parking place than the drive.  However, one morning, I had just pulled onto 405 North at Rosecran, At that time, it was not a good entrance.  You actually pulled into the fast lane.  I had just pulled on, when the right back wheel of my yellow Karmen Gia went flat .  .  I immediately pulled over and got out of the car, with plans to fix the flat myself.  I don't know what I was thinking.   Almost immediately, a car pulled in, behind me.  A tall man in a light pale blue suit got out of his car. He was fair with light hair.   All he said, "Where is the jack."  It seemed like in just a few minutes he had replaced the flat tire with the spare.  It all happened so quickly.  I kept thinking he was going to ruin his suit.  

He indicated he was done, without saying anything, climbed into his car, pulled into the lane, stopping the cars in the process, and indicated for me to pull out in front of him.   I had often thought that HE was an angel.  Now I believe that HE was MY angel.  I have come to realize that I am never alone.  I have MY angel ever ready to protect me, IF I listen.  

 

 

 

ANGEL SAVED ME UCLA

murderer  

cricket 

 

A year or so after I stopped attending the Manhattan Beach Unity Church, the minister and his wife got a divorce.   Being a child of divorce,  I was very sorry to hear about their divorce. It increased my disappointment in Unity, and the whole area of new age thinking.

 

 We called our group, Dancers of Truth. I was serving on the Recreation Commission, and made arrangement for our big opening performance to be held at the new Community Center.  We were very well received and started getting invitation to perform at various functions and for various groups.  We even had a writer from  Dance Magazine come an interview me.  Ruth St. Denis invited us to her studio and wanted us to be part of her dance troup.  We visited her,  but all our dancers were from Manhattan Beach.  Our success actually resulted in the group falling apart.  

Although I had done all the choreography, selected the music, done all the promotion, designed the basic costume which could convert to many styles, scheduled all the performances, one of the girls had decided that she would be better to take it from here. She had some Hollywood friends that encouraged her to take it over.  They were convinced that they could develop it to be a money maker.  I was not interested in making money, and was really hurt by a hostile take over.  Several of the girls didn't go along with it, which included Kym (Allred, at the time) Stockton, and Anne Mocniak.   I just let it all go.  I made the music, costumes and everything available, but beyond the shows that I had scheduled for them, they never got another show scheduled.  

I dropped out of UCLA.  I think the Lord was separating me from MY loves (theater, dance, drama) trying to help me get into the real world, away from the fantasy world that I SO enjoyed.  During all this time, I never had any help with the kids, or the house.  Win assumed no responsibility for me, the kids, or the house.  He felt that holding a job and bringing home a paycheck was his sole responsibility.   I  look back and wonder how I handled it.  

One day I was out in the sun, sunbathing, with a straw hat covering my face.  I notice what appeared to be a little circular rainbow of light coming through some of the holes.  As I concentrated and looked past the circular rainbow, it was an amazing sky.  All the colors of the rainbow made up the sky.  It was not a plain blue, but rather, a moving, vibrant sky, with colors melting into each other.  That was the reality, all blended together produced the blue that we saw, but the reality behind the blue was even more awesome.  It is a view of the sky that I have experienced many times.  It is almost like we can't quite deal with that much beauty, so we only see it in a blur. 

Another experience took place out in the sun too.  I was lying on my stomach.  My long hair had fallen in  front of my eyes.  As I concentrated on one strand, I saw the light structure, little beads of elongated beige/white lights connected to each other on both side.  In the middle was a very thin, elongated  light colored reddish/orange coil.  Many years later I saw strands of cell matter which reminded me of the light structure of my hair.  It verified what I saw. 

These two spiritual experiences helped me to understand that we do not see the reality of the physical world, all physical matter is actually made up of light. Every mineral emits a specific light pattern.  The question becomes . .  what is light? 

 

February 6, 2011
The lesson today was about the Lord calling his disciples, and giving them the power against unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all manner of sickness and all manner of disease (Matt 10:1). He directs them to preach, saying the kingdom of heaven is at hand, heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils.

It reminded me of many experiences that I had when Aury and Tawn they were little.  We were living in the Manhattan Beach house.  I had experienced two very powerful visits from the Holy Spirit.

Tawn ear and throat

aury fever . .  I could feel it leave

aury and the bed blankets moving

girl and boy in special primary . . told the demon to leave

speak to them in the spirit . . . Tawn and the girls in school  . . teacher asked what I had done 

 

 

 

Tawn and light fixture
Tawn and ear ache

Aury are you talking to me when I am asleep, I feel like working.

man in blue suit, fixed wheel

picking flower, car wanted to race, I said no, they went over the ridge

quick get out of the car, riding in the trunk, legs hanging out huge truck crashed into the back of the car,

ucla theater major, killed a woman, he on drugs

riding home from movie with val, crazy . . Alba's suggestion

steak dinner, strong man, cried

lady praying for ride 50 years ago

recent, lady needing ride, just gave blood, very weak

threatening  threaten 

panic attacks . .   Mimi, what are you doing!!   running through the house,   lying in bed , impeding doom

handwriting analysis . .  lady said with great surprise . . . . "you are not afraid of anything"

strong will . .

Jeannie Dickson. .  kept looking at name, when I signed in and then kept with a look of wonder  . . Mom even commented
Fred B?    what do you see?

angel ucla
angel going to ucla

laughed and cried at the same time

angel lady in my bedroom

3 beings in my bedroom in Manhattan Beach

3 beings wanting me to go with them . . westtminster

I Am the I Am